Trying to cope… on Flickr.
Pain has left me feeling both frail and exhausted lately. April was a futile attempt at productivity and May hasn’t fared much better so far. I’m trying to push through, but sometimes the body just says ‘No.’ I managed to force these two shots out tonight, but the constant back-and-forth to the camera trying to get the framing right took quite a few tries and has my back screaming curses at me right now.
In the past two days i’ve lost a ton of hair in hopes of making the summer just a little bit less sweaty.
via Flickr.
This month has been a struggle…every single day has been a fight to try and get something productive done before the pain takes over, and for the most part - I’ve been unsuccessful. I’ve shot THREE shows this month (ideally I’d be around 12-15), and if I’m lucky I’ll be able to push through and shoot two more. That is, if my body co-operates enough to let me out in public for a few hours.
I just want meds to work.
I just want to be able to commit to plans
I just want to be able to make it through the day without having to bury my head in darkness and try not to put my head through the wall.
I’ve got an appointment with another new headache doctor next month (this makes 4 now). None of them communicate, and yet each one is a referral from a previous.
I’m just so fucking frustrated. I WANT to be productive. I NEED to be productive. But whenever I try, I inevitably have to stop because I’ve pushed through/ignored the pain to the point where it is too severe and rescue meds become useless.
I’ve been getting high when I can, just to take my mind away from the pain, and it works…for a bit, but I really don’t have the budget to keep it around all the time, and as much as it takes the focus somewhere else, it’s harder to shoot/edit/interact with people when I’m in that state so its not really allowing me to be more productive.
In the time it’s taken to write this, the pain has flared up and I need to escape for a while.
ugh, I want a new body.
noncromulant replied to your post: Can those be redeemed for porn or something?
I’m sure there’s a site somewhere that’d accept ‘em ;)
